This is for the broken hearted.

First of all, I know how you feel. Empty, betrayed, and no happiness whatsoever. You don't want to laugh, because you know it's not going to help, but you don't want to cry, because it will just make you feel worse. You feel like your heart is falling apart, but not only that, but you know soon your life is going to feel like it's falling apart too. You don't think it will ever end, and no matter what this person has done to you, it feels impossible to stop loving them. And everyone wonders why if they have hurt you so much, then why do you still love them. That's the confusing part, you don't know why, you just do, and the people who hurt you the most, and normally the ones you love the most. And then, after a few weeks, you finally feel a sense of relief, like you're getting happy again, but you know inside that you're just going into denial. And after a few more weeks, you're back to where you were an empty soul and teary eyes. You thought you got over them, but really, you just stopped showing it. And you can't help but to show it again. It leaves deep scars on your heart that are there forever. And no one understands how you feel, and how deep you are hurt, no matter who they are, because it hasn't happened to them And even if it has, every broken heart is different. They don't know the true pain you feel and carry each and everyday now, so you learn that basically you are alone with all this. And the feeling starts to overwhelm you, and suddenly you just break down, right there, because you know you've had enough, the tears just instantly start flowing, and you're to the point where you don't care who see's. Because you've spent so many nights lying awake in bed, and so many days being haunted by the scars and fear of rejection. And in the midst of all these tears, you know that its not helping any, and it's not going to bring them back, if you ever even had them in the first place. After about a million tears have been cried, you finally pull yourself back together and keep going. Your throat starts to clench and your eyes burn with the tears you are trying to hold back. Everyone says, "It will be okay…” But you know it won't. And that’s the truth, it won’t. And you look back on all of the hurt you had from this, and you realize that people are horrible. You're still hurt, but you've learned to hide it so that everyone thinks you are okay. So now every time you see this person, you know you still love them, and you feel a slight tingle in your heart yearning for them to love you, screaming out, but for some reason they don't hear it. It's ironic that what you are trying to let go and forget is also the one that you can't live without. it's like a drug you are trying to get over with but the addiction is so tempting that you come back for more. you have the inclination that it will destroy you but you still keep on going until you will know it's too late to back out. And then you sit back and wonder how one person could have caused all of this.

Things will never change

My breath is void of oxygen

My heart a scribble without rythm

I don't know what I'm doing

Or what I should have done

I need someone to hold

Instead of only one

I don't want to be alone

The panic sets in

As darkness becomes my comfort zone

This tired soul is stuck here all alone

Wondering what he has done

to turn them all away

The reason for his lonliness

Only he can say

I am alone

My walls are crushing me tonight

A stagnant shallow pool of blood and flesh and tears

Where no one wants to go

Where i swims in all my fears

I don't want to be alone, I am alone, Things will never change. 

HUNGER TO BELONG

I remember as a child discovering the echo of sound. It was the first time that my father took me uphill to jog and go to Lagaslas. As we passed a limestone cliff, he called out to his friends in the distance. His call had barely ended when it was copied exactly and sent forth again by the stone. It was a fascinating discovery. I tried out my own voice and the echo returned faithfully every time. It was as if the solid limestone had secret hearing and voice. Their natural stillness and silence suddenly broke forth in an exact mimic of the human voice suggesting that there was a resonant heart in the depths of silence; the stone responds in a symmetry of sound. Hearing one’s echo in the lonely landscape of the mountains seems also to suggest that we are not alone, that we belong here on this earth. It is as if the symmetry of the echo comprised the radius of an invisible circle of belonging.

The hunger to belong is at the heart of our nature. Cut off from others, we atrophy and turn in ourselves. Mostly, we do not need to make an issue of belonging; when we belong, we take it for granted. Merely to be excluded or to sense rejection hurts. When we become isolated, we are prone to being damaged; our minds lose their flexibility and natural kindness. We become vulnerable to fear and negativity. A sense of belonging, however, suggests warmth, understanding and embrace.

Our hunger to belong is the longing to bridge the gulf that exists between isolation and intimacy. Distance awakens longing; closeness is belonging. Everyone longs for intimacy and dreams of a nest belonging in which one is embraced, seen and loved. Something within each of us cries out for belonging. We can have all the world has to offer in terms of status, achievement and possessions; yet without a true sense of belonging, our lives feel empty and pointless. Like the tree that put roots deep into the clay, each of us needs the anchor of belonging in order to bend with the storms and continue towards the light. Like ocean that returns each time to the shore, a sense of belonging liberates us and empowers us to trust fully the rhythm of loss and longing. Like a welcoming circle of friendship, it also shelters us from the loneliness of life. Furthermore, when we belong, we have an outside mooring to prevent our minds from falling into the abyss within us. Though we may not reflect too frequently on the vast infinity that surrounds us, such infinity can be threatening; it makes us feel tiny, inconsequential and vulnerable.

Unknown to us, this sense of vulnerability intensifies our hunger to belong. Each one of us journeys alone into this world – and each one of us carries a unique world within our hearts. No one experiences your life as you do; yours is a totally unique story of experiences and feelings. Yet no individual is sealed off or self-enclosed. Although each soul is individual and unique, by its very nature the soul hungers for relationship. Consequently, it is your soul that longs to belong – and it is your soul that makes all belonging possible. No soul is private. No soul is merely mortal. As well as being vital principle of your individual life, your soul is also eternal; it weaves you into the great tapestry of spirit which connects everything everywhere. Belonging does not merely shelter you from the sense of being separate and different; it is more profound intention is the awakening of the great belonging which embraces everything. At the root of our hunger to belong, therefore, is the desire to awaken this hidden affinity. It is only when we recognize this intimate unity that we know we are not outsiders cut off from everything around us but rather participants at the very heart of creation. Each of us brings something alive in the world that is unique. There is a profound necessity at the heart of individuality. As we awaken to this sense of destiny, we can begin to live a life that is generous and worthy of the blessing that is always calling us.

just getting started

alas tres beinte y siete,
naisipan kong gumawa ng sarili kong BLOG...
(astig di ba?)

sa kabila ng puyat, pagod at GUTOM... ngayon ko pa naisipang maki-uso..
sa kabila ng hindi ko pagka-bihasa sa kompyuter at pagkalito sa kung anong ilalagay ko dito..
eto pa rin ako... ang kulit no?


kaya sa sobrang kakulitan ko, lalo pa ngayon na tila ako'y bangag na aso...
titigilan ko na muna ito...
sa makatuwid, THE END na muna...hehehe